MOVING ON
Have you ever been dumped, cheated on, lied into or misled by someone? Someone you used to call, "prince charming", "love of my life", " paradise" or whatever? I have! But why am I writing this exactly? Lately, I've been hearing from friends talk about somebody that hurt them or broke their hearts and just be like, "oh you don't really know him, he's really a good person he just had to..." , "I know that he did a lot of bad things but.....", " I don't know if I will ever find another guy like him", " I already introduced him to my family and my mom seems to like him" or " ...but I gave him everything!" oh please cut the crap! remember that if these people were good and that they never meant what they did, they wouldn't lie to you over and over, cheat on you or break your heart! It's time you acknowledge that it's over! enough is enough! and that the "you and I" is not gonna happen.
The best respect that you can afford yourself after being trampled on, devastated, and deeply hurt is a time for healing. I may sound like a parrot but it's true, time heals wounds. How do I know? As I stated earlier, I myself, have been through the hell of breaking up. It was devastating, yes! Committing yourself to a relationship is no different from buying stocks in the market. You knew from the very start about the risks. However, no matter how hard you tried to avoid them, they just inevitably happen and the best way to pull yourself out of the pit is to withdraw, to avoid further losses. The roller coaster of the relationship will eventually sicken you. It's either you go on with the ride or get off and give your lungs some air. Either choice is no easy way. If you choose the latter then baby I may say you are on the right track. After all those years of togetherness, do not expect that individual to magically change his entirety for you. If he really intended to do so, he should have done it years ago. It's who he is! so it's either you stay or move out. It's true, falling in love is not a choice but staying in the relationship is! Repeated acts of lying is a caveat that you should take a good hard look at your relationship and consider ending it. If you choose to end it, you need to commit yourself entirely to the moving on process. Getting over a break up is hard, really hard. Some would choose to stay friends or totally break apart from each other. More likely, it's easier to move on apart. It doesn't help to keep on communicating with that someone even after the break up. What good will it cause you? Nothing. Keeping in touch only serves as a bond between you and the past you're supposed to leave behind. So, what I am saying is, the fastest way to move on is to totally cut that someone from your life. So here are some tips on how to get rid of that someone while giving yourself the time to heal (the following have been personally helpful):
1. Unfriend (or better block) your ex on facebook. This is so true! This is the first error I committed when I was trying to get over my ex. After the break up, I continued stalking him on facebook. It was a dumb thing to do! It's like reminding yourself everyday of the happy times and before you knew it, you started feeling the pain again as if everything happened only yesterday. So how do you heal your wounds if you keep on creating a fresh one?
2. Change your mobile number. I am telling you, after the break up, your ex would try to contact and persuade you that you are going the wrong way; that he loves you and he would change his ways for you blah blah blah..... and because you are still in love with him, you are likely to succumb to his lies. Keeping the communication with your ex is like subjecting yourself to psychological battle.
3. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Literally, how can you forget someone if everything you see around reminds you of him? Photographs, letters, objects, etc., they all belong in the trash bin now!
4. Avoid hanging out with mutual friends (for the time being). I am not saying you avoid mutual friends forever. Just give your self that time you needed. Being away from mutual friends for a while means lessening the circumstances of running into each other.
5. Avoid rebound relationships. I hear people say that the easiest way to move on is to have a replacement. I don't think so! I say, it is rather a misguided attempt to move on. They may be right, jumping into a relationship after the break up will mask the pain. But what justice would that cause to the new found love? Admit it, you are merely using him/her to ease the pain of broken heart. You let that someone enter your life not because you love him but solely for the purpose of having a company during the dark times. What happens after they serve their purpose? I say, it's still best to walk through the pain of moving on because it is during these times that you discover yourself. It allows you to see the best and the worst in you.
6. Pray. Being a Christian, turning to prayer after breaking up with my ex gave me the biggest comfort. Everytime the pain kicks in, I turn to prayer. Praying is like a soothing medicine. It gives you peace of mind and calms your soul in a magical way. Thought of revenge is natural when you are deeply hurt but don't ever ever utter a curse. It might ricochet and hit you instead. Trust in God, he sees your pain and only Him can give you your revenge.
7. Confide your pain to a family member. The efficacy of this step may depend on your relationship with your family. From my experience, it was only when I opened up to my family that I felt understood and accepted. When you came from a cheating relationship, the impact on you as person may be different from that of other causes of break ups. It crushes your self-esteem which eventually leads to self-blaming; and may even cause you to look at yourself as a damaged goods. To hear from a family member that you did the right move and that you are still worthy and beautiful no matter what can really turn the cards.
Remember, at the end of the day, only you can help yourself heal. Just give yourself the emotional break you need. Embrace your mistake and improve yourself. Finally, when you think you are ready, love again.
The best respect that you can afford yourself after being trampled on, devastated, and deeply hurt is a time for healing. I may sound like a parrot but it's true, time heals wounds. How do I know? As I stated earlier, I myself, have been through the hell of breaking up. It was devastating, yes! Committing yourself to a relationship is no different from buying stocks in the market. You knew from the very start about the risks. However, no matter how hard you tried to avoid them, they just inevitably happen and the best way to pull yourself out of the pit is to withdraw, to avoid further losses. The roller coaster of the relationship will eventually sicken you. It's either you go on with the ride or get off and give your lungs some air. Either choice is no easy way. If you choose the latter then baby I may say you are on the right track. After all those years of togetherness, do not expect that individual to magically change his entirety for you. If he really intended to do so, he should have done it years ago. It's who he is! so it's either you stay or move out. It's true, falling in love is not a choice but staying in the relationship is! Repeated acts of lying is a caveat that you should take a good hard look at your relationship and consider ending it. If you choose to end it, you need to commit yourself entirely to the moving on process. Getting over a break up is hard, really hard. Some would choose to stay friends or totally break apart from each other. More likely, it's easier to move on apart. It doesn't help to keep on communicating with that someone even after the break up. What good will it cause you? Nothing. Keeping in touch only serves as a bond between you and the past you're supposed to leave behind. So, what I am saying is, the fastest way to move on is to totally cut that someone from your life. So here are some tips on how to get rid of that someone while giving yourself the time to heal (the following have been personally helpful):
1. Unfriend (or better block) your ex on facebook. This is so true! This is the first error I committed when I was trying to get over my ex. After the break up, I continued stalking him on facebook. It was a dumb thing to do! It's like reminding yourself everyday of the happy times and before you knew it, you started feeling the pain again as if everything happened only yesterday. So how do you heal your wounds if you keep on creating a fresh one?
2. Change your mobile number. I am telling you, after the break up, your ex would try to contact and persuade you that you are going the wrong way; that he loves you and he would change his ways for you blah blah blah..... and because you are still in love with him, you are likely to succumb to his lies. Keeping the communication with your ex is like subjecting yourself to psychological battle.
3. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Literally, how can you forget someone if everything you see around reminds you of him? Photographs, letters, objects, etc., they all belong in the trash bin now!
4. Avoid hanging out with mutual friends (for the time being). I am not saying you avoid mutual friends forever. Just give your self that time you needed. Being away from mutual friends for a while means lessening the circumstances of running into each other.
5. Avoid rebound relationships. I hear people say that the easiest way to move on is to have a replacement. I don't think so! I say, it is rather a misguided attempt to move on. They may be right, jumping into a relationship after the break up will mask the pain. But what justice would that cause to the new found love? Admit it, you are merely using him/her to ease the pain of broken heart. You let that someone enter your life not because you love him but solely for the purpose of having a company during the dark times. What happens after they serve their purpose? I say, it's still best to walk through the pain of moving on because it is during these times that you discover yourself. It allows you to see the best and the worst in you.
6. Pray. Being a Christian, turning to prayer after breaking up with my ex gave me the biggest comfort. Everytime the pain kicks in, I turn to prayer. Praying is like a soothing medicine. It gives you peace of mind and calms your soul in a magical way. Thought of revenge is natural when you are deeply hurt but don't ever ever utter a curse. It might ricochet and hit you instead. Trust in God, he sees your pain and only Him can give you your revenge.
7. Confide your pain to a family member. The efficacy of this step may depend on your relationship with your family. From my experience, it was only when I opened up to my family that I felt understood and accepted. When you came from a cheating relationship, the impact on you as person may be different from that of other causes of break ups. It crushes your self-esteem which eventually leads to self-blaming; and may even cause you to look at yourself as a damaged goods. To hear from a family member that you did the right move and that you are still worthy and beautiful no matter what can really turn the cards.
Remember, at the end of the day, only you can help yourself heal. Just give yourself the emotional break you need. Embrace your mistake and improve yourself. Finally, when you think you are ready, love again.
