Lust at First Sight

While most people are thrilled with the idea of love at first sight, I am not. In fact, I do not believe in it.  Physical attraction or what I like to refer to as “lust” can exist instantly at first encounter. Love on the other hand, takes time to fully develop. Oftentimes, lust is confused with love. So how do we distinguish the two exactly? Well here’s a hint. Love is when you want to be with him/ her, while lust is when you want to be on top of him/her – or under, as the case may be *wink. In most scenarios, lust eventually fires up love as the relationship progresses, or vice versa.

 Lust, same through with love is a powerful feeling. One must not underestimate what one can do to satisfy his lust. Sometimes, it could be deadly. Though lust and love are inherent in human, we are also endowed with the power of discretion or “freewill”. Whether or not to act on these emotions is NOT beyond our power to control. For this reason, one must not shield behind “tao lang ako” (I’m only human) as an excuse for giving in to his emotion. Our emotion is our own responsibility.

Now let us focus on LUST and its role in maintaining a long lasting relationship. Lust is important because it is what makes a relationship romantic. It is essential in the expression of intimacy. In other words, it is what distinguishes a romantic/intimate relationship from other types of love and/or forms of relationships. For instance, a man’s love towards a woman absent lust is called “brotherly/friendly love.” But the moment this love is coupled with lust; it ceases to be brotherly and becomes something else (romantic). Hence, it is essential that lust and love co-exist. A relationship without lust is not at all romantic; and a relationship without love is nothing but an abandoned boat floating in the ocean - without direction, or if you are familiar with Air supply’s “Making Love Out of Nothing at All”. It is love AND lust that make a couple LOVERS, not merely friends. 

        While lust is undeniably strong; its strength is diminished by the passing of time. In effect, a relationship based solely on lust falls apart once the flesh is satisfied. It is therefore essential to determine whether your interest towards someone is driven by lust OR love. So before you commit the mistake of breaking someone else’s heart or wasting both of your time by investing in a relationship founded on lust, ask yourself, “Do I love her because she is attractive or she is attractive because I love her?”

Jonella Dampag: The Martyr and the Revolution

Jonella Dampag: The Martyr and the Revolution: As an avid and open fan of The Hunger Games, I was many times asked “why can’t Katniss Everdeen die?” The Capitol has had opportuniti...

The Martyr and the Revolution

As an avid and open fan of The Hunger Games, I was many times asked “why can’t Katniss Everdeen die?” The Capitol has had opportunities to stealthily kill Katniss but couldn’t finish her off, Why? Because she has become the symbol of revolution, to kill her would stir a rebellion, and the clever President Snow knows that for sure! On the rebels’ part, Katniss cannot die for the same reason. She is the symbol of defiance and of hope for a successful revolution. It is the sight of her –alive! that will fuel the spirit of the poor, the  wounded and of the oppressed encouraging them to join the nationwide revolution against Panem’s center of power that is infested with corruption, greed, lies and deceit- the Capitol. For them, she (Katniss) is the mockingjay.

The revolution fought for by the people of Panem is not far from our very own history of revolutions and uprisings. For instance, the EDSA Revolution in 1986. What exactly triggered it? Like the outlying districts in Panem, the Philippines at that time was consumed by years of corrupt governance by a dictator which fueled resistance and opposition. But it was the murder of Ninoy Aquino that outraged and angered most Filipinos. Many Filipinos have since lost confidence in Marcos administration which led to left and right civil-disobedience, defiance and opposition until the revolution in 1986 that surprised the world.

We should also not forget the GOMBURZA ( an acronym for Mariano Gomez, Jose Burgos and Jacinto Zamora) religious martyrs. Wasn’t their death caused a significant impact on many Filipinos in their fight against the oppressive Spaniards? One of them was our very own national hero, who was inspired by that fateful event and dedicated his popular novel El Filibusterismo in honor of their memory. Jose Rizal’s death on a later event also triggered a bloody revolution.

If you are a fan of Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, you must remember that fictional scene about the June Rebellion. Following the death of General Lamarque who was regarded as the champion of the downtrodden and loved by the poor, fear and feeling of having lost a hero have devoured the opposition, and a supposedly peaceful mourning turned into a massive riot.

And of course, the great Martin Luther King Jr., an American activist and leader of African-American Movement. His assassination in 1968 has led to a nationwide race riots across America. Up to this day, his role to the advancement of civil rights of African-Americans is celebrated.

They are just among the political and religious martyrs around the world whose death has triggered most memorable revolution in history. What these factual events tell me is to kill a mockingjay is to give the already desperate people a martyr to die for!

This is the very reason that I, for one, do not believe that the late President Marcos could have master-minded the assassination of Ninoy Aquino, who was his open and popular critic and people’s HOPE for democracy at that time. Mr. Marcos was too brilliant and smart to know the consequences once a hero is killed. Again, basing from the novel, some of those who wanted to kill the mockingjay (Katniss) were the same people who wanted her to live. Those who rose to power after the success of the revolution, (*cough) President Coin for an instance, who was one of the heads of the revolution and has been secretly aspiring to take President Snow’s seat was the very same person who wanted the mockingjay crushed in the end. I propound a theory based on the political wisdom of this novel that whoever benefited and have gained political popularity after the success of the Edsa Revolution that had consequently resulted to the downfall of the Marcos regime were the same people behind Aquino’s murder.  (*cough, I don’t even have to drop names, do i?)

My Reaction To Jennifer Lawrence's Leaked Photos

  

    When news of J Law's leaked photos, along with other A-List Stars, dominated the social media, I, as a fan, felt conflicted about whether or not to look. On one hand, I'd get to see her naked! on the other, would I want people to see my naked photos if they ended up online without my permission? But I was desperate, I ended up looking at these private photos that were never intended to be seen by my eyes, or anyone else's for that matter.            The result of my prying was however surprising. I was expecting to  see a perfect body, flawless skin and well, just perfection. Instead, I saw an ordinary woman who is actually no different from you or I. If I didn't have in mind that I was looking at a photo of a high profile celebrity, I would have thought that I was looking at a random pretty American girl posing naked. But that's besides the point. What exactly prompted my brain to expect how J Law's body should look like is an idea which the media instilled into my mind. Over the years, society has been held with an expectation to look like the celebrities that are featured on famous magazines. And just like the rest of the society, I was also drawn to what the media define as "perfect" that when I took a good hard look at J Law's naked body, I was amazed how "normal" and "ordinary" she looked, different from that seemingly perfect woman portrayed in magazines. What I didn't realize is that photos of celebrities featured in magazines have undergone significant amount of editing to ensure that they are "perfect." It is refreshing though to look at J Law in her  "raw" form with no make up and no incredible photoshopping. 

     Looking at a naked photo of someone whom I look up to and greatly admire made me realize that J Law is actually no different from the rest of us, and for that reason, she is more special to me. Not only did it change the way I look at myself but also the way I look at celebrities. Sometimes, we just try so hard to attain "that" perfection defined for us by the media that we fail to see that we are actually trying to become someone we can never be, like chasing for something that was never there. We tend to idolize celebrities to the extent of putting them on this pedestal of perfection that we forget they are also human beings. Just like us, they also take selfies, eat foods, sleep, fart, shit and just like any other human being, they are also capable of feeling all sorts of emotions. 

      As a fan, I fully understand that Jennifer Lawrence is neither perfect nor a god, but a normal person just like myself, who happened to be a celebrity, admired and awarded for her outstanding performances as an actress, and for that, I respect her. 

AWKWARD MOMENTS

Here are my top 5 awkward moments that made me wish the earth would swallow me up! 

1. That moment when you are watching a movie with your parents then there's the wild and steamy sex scene.

2. That moment when you are laughing so hard in class about something your professor just said which you thought was funny then you realize you were the only person laughing.

3. That moment when you and your seatmate are ogling at your teacher's boner through a piece of paper then your teacher noticed you giggling, got pissed and asks you to hand him the piece of paper (where all your pervy conversations are written! then that teacher became my school mate in law school he!he!)

4. That moment when you are typing a text to your friend telling nasty things about someone then you accidentally send it to that "someone".

5. That moment when you playfully slap someone's ass who you thought was your friend, turned out it was someone you don't even know.

Dating and Marriage

Choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with does not depend on the length of time you have spent with that someone. Lengthy dating or that magic number alone does not determine one’s eligibility for marriage.  I do agree with most people that the length of time a dating couple has been together has no much bearing in measuring how long a couple’s relationship would last, BUT I do believe that it is very important to accord yourself that time to get to know a person before stating a commitment for marriage, which naturally requires time, and effort.

I, for one, respect the sanctity of marriage. Marriage to me is a responsibility not only to yourself or to your spouse but also to the society and to God. This is the very reason why I consider DATING necessary in one’s journey to marriage. Dating provides an opportunity to the involved parties to get to know each other before the man would fall on his knees and ask “Will you marry me?” and the woman to give an answer that may alter her life forever . It is during this stage that the parties are supposed to discover each other’s character, beliefs, principles and personality. After seeing the best and the worst in each other, each party decides whether his/her love is firm enough to accept the other’s flaws and imperfections. If not, the better option is to end it. What’s the point of keeping someone if in your heart you do not accept his entirety? God knows it’s only a matter of time before toleration takes its toll.  However, if the parties are convinced that their love and commitment is strong enough to make the relationship go the distance, proposal and engagement follows, and then comes the most crucial stage, MARRIAGE. Once the parties attached their signature on their marriage contract and are declared as husband and wife by the authorized solemnizing officer, they forever bind themselves to live upon the vows they made to each other.

According to some couples I spoke with who have been married for 20 years and more, maintaining a marriage is sometimes gut-wrenching. They said marriage is akin to a ROSE. With proper care and tending, the roses’ petals remain crisp and pleasing but with little care and attention, they begin to whither until the thorns take over. Of course, the thorns they say have always been there but it’s the beauty of the rose itself that makes the thorns seem inexistent. In marriage, the couples must strive to maintain the marriage by imposing upon themselves the RESPONSIBILITY of keeping it healthy. Also, they compare marriage with that of a sailing BOAT. If the boat is flimsy, it will eventually succumb to the consistency and strength of the waves leaving its passengers floundering in the water while a boat of strong materials can last amidst the waves. Same through with marriage, the one with strong foundation will survive trials and devastation while that of a weak foundation crumbles. The solid foundations for a lifelong marriage they said are LOVE, TRUST, FIDELITY and COMMUNICATION. These are initially developed in the dating stage and are eventually strengthened during the duration of the marriage. The marital responsibilities of the contracting parties must be completely performed by both, BECAUSE at the end of the day, the success of marriage is dependent on the amount of effort and the willingness and commitment of the spouses to make the relationship last through bad and good. 

We have witnessed from real-life stories that a failed marriage has negative side effects not only on the spouses who go through it but more so on the children. So, before we subject ourselves to the bitter-sweet life marriage may offer, it is imperative that we take caution in making life-altering decision of getting married because once we enter into it, we assume the full moral obligation to make it last.

MY FAVORITE REBELLION QUOTES FROM MOCKINGJAY

At first, I thought Hunger Games was about people fighting and killing for food. After reading the book, it became clear to me that the story was about hunger, not exactly for food, but for Justice. After years of oppression, the people from the districts of Panem are inspired to join the revolution for change against the Capitol with Katniss Everdeen as the symbol and face of the rebellion or as described by the book as the “rebels’ mockingjay”.

Below are my favorite quotes on rebellion from Mockingjay, the Final Book of the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins, which are actually tactics in staging a successful rebellion:

1.     “People of Panem, we fight, we dare, we end our hunger for Justice.”

2.    “Give us a martyr to fight for.”

3.    “Boggs is right. It’s the sight of me, alive, that is the inspiration.”

4.     “Our goal is to take over the districts one by one, ending with District Two, thus cutting off the Capitol’s supply chain. Then once it’s weakened, we invade the Capitol itself.”

5.    “The idea being that we could target each district with a personal piece.”

6.    “Crazy Cat becomes a metaphor for my situation. I am Buttercup. Peeta, the thing I want so badly to secure, is the light. As long as Buttercup feels he has the chance of catching the elusive light under his paws, he’s bristling with aggression.”

7.    “Poison. The perfect weapon for a snake.”

8.    “You don’t destroy what you want to acquire in the future.”

9.    “Eyes on the forest, not on the trees”

10.   “They’ll either want to kill you, kiss you, or be you.”

11.   “You’re playing on their natural instincts to flee danger. Thinking like your prey...that’s where you find their vulnerabilities.”

12.  “Fire is catching! If we burn, you burn with us!”

Moving on or clinging on?

MOVING ON

Have you ever been dumped, cheated on, lied into or misled by someone? Someone you used to call,  "prince charming", "love of my life", " paradise" or whatever? I have! But why am I writing this exactly? Lately, I've been hearing from friends talk about somebody that hurt them or broke their hearts and just be like, "oh you don't really know him, he's really a good person he just had to..." , "I know that he did a lot of bad things but.....",  " I don't know if I will ever find another guy like him", " I already introduced him to my family and my mom seems to like him" or " ...but I gave him everything!"  oh please cut the crap! remember that if these people were good and that they never meant what they did, they wouldn't lie to you over and over, cheat on you or break your heart! It's time you acknowledge that it's over! enough is enough! and that the "you and I" is not gonna happen. 

The best respect that you can afford yourself after being trampled on, devastated, and deeply hurt is a time for healing. I may sound like a parrot but it's true, time heals wounds. How do I know? As I stated earlier, I myself, have been through the hell of breaking up. It was devastating, yes! Committing yourself to a relationship is no different from buying stocks in the market.  You knew from the very start about the risks. However, no matter how hard you tried to avoid them, they just inevitably happen and the best way to pull yourself out of the pit is to withdraw,  to avoid further losses. The roller coaster of the relationship will eventually sicken you. It's either you go on with the ride or get off and give your lungs some air. Either choice is no easy way. If you choose the latter then baby I may say you are on the right track. After all those years of togetherness, do not expect that individual  to magically change his entirety for you. If he really intended to do so, he should have done it years ago. It's who he is! so it's either you stay or move out. It's true, falling in love is not a choice but staying in the relationship is! Repeated acts of lying  is a caveat that you should take a good hard look at your relationship and consider ending it. If you choose to end it, you need to commit yourself entirely to the moving on process. Getting over a break up is hard, really hard. Some would choose to stay friends or totally break apart from each other. More likely, it's easier to move on apart. It doesn't help to keep on communicating with that someone even after the break up. What good will it cause you? Nothing. Keeping in touch only serves as a bond between you and the past you're supposed to leave behind. So, what I am saying is, the fastest way to move on is to totally cut that someone from your life. So here are some tips on how to get rid of that someone while giving yourself the time to heal (the following have been personally helpful): 

 1. Unfriend (or better block) your ex on facebook. This is so true! This is the first error I committed when I was trying to get over my ex.  After the break up, I continued stalking him on facebook. It was a dumb thing to do! It's like reminding yourself everyday of the happy times and before you knew it, you started feeling the pain again as if everything happened only yesterday. So how do you heal your wounds if you keep on creating a fresh one? 

2. Change your mobile number. I am telling you, after the break up, your ex would try to contact and persuade you that you are going the wrong way; that he loves you and he would change his ways for you blah blah blah..... and because you are still in love with him, you are likely to succumb to his lies. Keeping the communication with your ex is like  subjecting yourself to  psychological battle.

3. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. Literally, how can you forget someone if everything you see around reminds you of him? Photographs, letters, objects, etc., they all belong in the trash bin now!

4. Avoid hanging out with mutual friends (for the time being). I am not saying you avoid mutual friends forever. Just give your self that time you needed. Being away from mutual friends for a while means lessening the circumstances of running into each other.

5. Avoid rebound relationships. I hear people say that the easiest way to move on is to have a replacement. I don't think so! I say, it is rather a misguided attempt to move on. They may be right, jumping into a relationship after the break up will mask the pain. But what justice would that cause to the new found love? Admit it, you are merely using him/her to ease the pain of broken heart. You let that someone enter your life not because you love him but solely for the purpose of having a company during the dark times. What happens after they serve their purpose? I say, it's still best to walk through the pain of moving on because it is during these times that you discover yourself. It allows you to see the best and the worst in you. 

6. Pray. Being a Christian, turning to prayer after breaking up with my ex gave me the biggest comfort. Everytime the pain kicks in, I turn to prayer. Praying is like a soothing medicine. It gives you peace of mind and calms your soul in a magical way. Thought of revenge is natural when you are deeply hurt but don't ever ever utter a curse. It might ricochet and hit you instead. Trust in God, he sees your pain and only Him can give you your revenge. 

7. Confide your pain to a family member. The efficacy of this step may depend on your relationship with your family. From my experience, it was only when I opened up to my family that I felt understood and accepted. When you came from a cheating relationship, the impact on you as person may be different from  that of other causes of break ups. It crushes your self-esteem which eventually leads to self-blaming; and may even cause you to look at yourself as a damaged goods. To hear from a family member that you did the right move and that you are still worthy and beautiful no matter what can really turn the cards. 

Remember, at the end of the day, only you can help yourself heal. Just give yourself the emotional break you need. Embrace your mistake and improve yourself. Finally, when you think you are ready, love again.